When I was younger, rather than having to endure the painfully awkward experience of “the talk” with me, just like my sister 2 years previous, my parents handed me the book:
“Let’s Talk About Sex”.
It was their way of being able to provide with me information without having to actually talk about it. I have grown up in a family of generations of rather awkward prudes!
I now wonder if we, or at least our society, has the same attitude to Singleness.
As single people we get handed books to read (that feel like they should be wrapped in brown paper to conceal the content) but are rarely given a platform to speak from.
We’re often confronted with the “God has a plan”, or “Stop looking and it will happen” or “God made us to be in community, someone will come along”. It can sometimes feel like the topic needs to be brushed under the carpet because it’s uncomfortable for people.
This morning I met up for brunch with some girls I met at an Honoured Single Leader’s Breakfast. It was great to be able to have frank conversations about the highs of lows of singledom. We were able to share the joy of rarely needing to shave your legs and the lows of experiencing Christmas without that ‘special’ person.
Now, our conversation may not have been on a stage or a public platform, but we each came away from it with encouragements about our work or social lives that weren’t just about finding “the one”.
It was a chance to feel valued and encouraged as a single person.
But let’s also think about the conversations that are more public. Recently on our Instagram story, we asked you how often your churches spoke about singleness and how often it was done by a single person.
It’s safe to say, singleness still feels like a taboo subject.
But why do we need to talk about it?
Because the Church can often put such an emphasis on married life that it makes other forms of family life look less valuable. We want to speak against that and say Jesus is for everyone!
So to encourage you, I want to give you 5 tips to get you talking about singleness:
1. Find single friends to chat to. Practising speaking about singleness with friends going through the same thing will help you to feel confident about the topic and get different viewpoints/stories.
2. Share our website, blogs and resources. Sharing what Honoured is doing, (or other organisations like Single Friendly Church) is a great way to start the conversation without much effort from you! Just sharing the link on your social media may have more of an impact than you know.
3. Consider what your church has on offer for single people. This may be a conversation with one of the leadership team at your church or even just a reflection on your part. Are there lots of events for couples but not for singles? Are the singles events relevant or just cheesy speed-dating type events? Are tables always set up in even numbers?
4. Speak at your church about singleness. This is a big one and speaking is not for everyone. However, it doesn’t have to be a talk. Are there opportunities to advertise events or share your story? Is there a 2-min slot where you can advertise Honoured?
5. Take it outside your church. In your workplace or other social communities, start talking about how singleness can be a great thing. Even just sharing your experience can be so powerful. Lots of people, both Christian and Non-Christian experience loneliness and the pressure to find someone. Let’s help them to learn how they too can have the best single life and do it honourably.
Here at Honoured, we want to connect, bless and empower you, so:
Come to one of our events and connect with other single people (and make some great brunch friends like I did!) Find those people to have the honest conversations with…
Read our resources or our other blogs to get you started with topics and stories if you want to talk about singleness in your communities. We want to support you and help you have these conversations.
Finally, be blessed with our support, love, prayers and always come back to our events for a safe retreat from a world which might seem over populated by couples!