Well I started writing this blog after a dating rejection and before I’d even edited it I was faced with another one.
Not a great few weeks romance wise!
And even if you are a fairly confident person and you know your identity in Christ it can still be hard to deal with a last minute text saying the date you just washed your hair for is cancelling because they met someone at a church social the night before (that’s not a random hypothetical example – that actually happened!)
But the truth is no matter how many rejections and disappointments we face in the dating world… we are L O V E D by God, we are chosen by him everyday. Sometimes it’s hard to hold onto this when the world is telling us otherwise. So here’s my top tips for remembering you’re chosen, even when you don’t get chosen.
1.Take control of your thoughts
The world may be telling you one thing but we need to hear God’s voice of truth louder. This might sound like an over simplification but we have control over our thoughts.
As you read this right now use your imagination to think of a blue banana….
Now turn it into a red banana…
You conjured that image by taking control of your thoughts.
In the same way we need to control the thoughts we have about ourselves. Find a Bible verse that reminds you of how God feels about you and meditate on it. Go for a coffee with someone you know will speak truth and encouragement into your life. Spend time focusing on all the blessings in your life and thanking God for them. ‘We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.’ 2 Corinthians 10:5
I'm not saying here that it's not ok to feel sad or disappointed. Those feelings may be totally appropriate and you are entitled to feel like that. But if you want to move forward then there is a point where we need to let the light in, let God's truth shine in, and let the healing begin.
2. Let go of the past
Quickly and with very little thought delete the whole message stream with that other person who rejected you. I’m going to do that now as I type this… there… done. This will ensure that you don’t reread all the messages trying to figure out where it all went wrong. You don’t know if the information they gave you is true and you don’t know what was going on while messages were going back and forth so to try and read into it too much is madness. Even the reason they gave for not dating anymore isn’t necessarily the truth. Rereading messages is an absolute waste of time and energy and you will only project your thoughts onto the situation and end up feeling more rejected.
3. Take yourself on a date
One of the sad things about being single is that we sometimes feel like we don’t get spoilt and looked after like our friends in relationships. Well that shouldn’t be the case. The key to survival is self-care – In Mark 12 :31 Jesus tells us one of the ‘greatest’ commandments is ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ If we don’t know God’s love for us and reflect that in the way we feel about ourselves how will we know how to love others? Some days you might not feel very loving towards yourself but as in every relationship sometimes
it takes a practical first step towards nurturing yourself. Buy yourself a coffee. Buy yourself some flowers. Have a long bath. Following the above incident I bought myself a Christmas tree cupcake and I felt very happy with myself!
4. Do something nice for someone else
Often rejection can make us turn inwards and focus on ourselves, we begin to feel self pity and then the lies set in. Be determined not to let this happen by serving others. In my experience whenever I have done this I have ended up being blessed far more than the person I was trying to bless. After one particular dating disappointment I offered to give an older lady at our church a lift into town. Over the course of the drive she told me all these mad stories about her life as a single and all the adventures that she’d had. By the time we reached our destination I felt so much more positive and filled with hope.
5. Careful what you fill your head with
TV, music, films… our culture is obsessed with the idea that being in a romantic relationship is the ultimate life goal. But as children of God we know that there is more to life than this. ‘’Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.' Romans 12:2. So in a time when you feel vulnerable fill your head with things that help you to renew your mind. Don’t watch rom coms which leave you with the impression that everyone around the world is falling in love and wandering around central park holding hands while the snow falls around them. Try and watch films and shows where the characters are more than their relationships - watch things that inspire you. Try a different genre of music like salsa or jazz that will uplift you and speak joy into your soul.
The truth is you ARE chosen and no matter your relationship status or what is happening in your dating life - God is for YOU.
So after yet another rejection I bought myself a coffee (oh and the Christmas tree cupcake of course) and I’m choosing to hear what God says about me – he knows me best after all!